The Act of Forgiveness

Are you someone who holds on to hurt, resentments, or anger maybe?  How does that make you feel?  This is when we call onto the virtue of forgiveness.  Forgiveness is another way to bring peace to our soul.  It allows us to let go, so that we can move on.  I am one to know how hard it is sometimes to forgive others of their actions at times.  Most of us know that holding onto the hurts really only affect our happiness.  So why hold onto this hurt?  Why hold onto resentments or anger?  Sometimes you want to hold onto them because you feel that it will make the other person possibly hurt more than you do.  The person who has hurt us probably isn’t even thinking about how they hurt us or how much anger we may be holding.  This is where we need to just let go.  We need to somehow release all this negative emotion so that it frees us to welcome in peace, healing and happiness.  Yes, trust me I know how hard this can be at times.  A couple years ago I was faced with in my eyes an ultimate betrayal.  My best friend at the time, and I mean the person I did EVERYTHING with hurt me in a way I never thought possible.  I was crushed.  I just remember sitting on my couch with both of my children on each side of me holding my hand while I cried.  I was in a state of shock for days, even weeks.  I felt like my brother died all over again.  I had given this person so much power over my life.  She was my first phone call on my way to work every day and my last phone call on my way home.  Anytime I needed to confide in someone it was her.  After days of hurting, of anger, of heartbreak I finally decided to take the power of my life back.  I decided to let go and forgive her.  Was it easy? NO!  Did it take me reminders? YES!  I realized holding on to the pain was really only affecting me from living again.  Once I was able to truly pick myself back up and let go.  There was an immense sense of peace and hope that enveloped around me.  By no means did my forgiveness of her actions allow her a space in my heart and life again but it did bring me back to life again.  In fact, it lead me to the start of finding myself again.  I found a passion within me that I hadn’t known before and to this day this passion is alive and well inside me.  It is my passion for bodybuilding.  So it took me getting knocked down to bring me to the path I was meant to follow.  Now that is a blessing in itself.  It’s funny because now I look back at this situation and as much hurt as I felt I now look at if with gratitude.  I am not sure I would have found my path of bodybuilding without this happening.  So the long and short of this message is to remember the next time someone hurts you intentionally or not, acknowledge the hurt, feel the hurt but don’t hold on to the hurt.  Release it and bring peace to yourself.  Forgiving others is not to forget but to remember how to live again.  After all Forgiveness is a Virtue.

What’s driving you — Love or Fear?

We get so offended when we feel we have been backed stabbed but do we ever think about our own role in the event?  Honestly, we are the ones who opened up door and trusted someone hoping they wouldn’t stab us in the back but we alone gave them the ammunition to do so, didn’t we?

If we aren’t acting from love we are acting from fear and there are many forms of fear to act out of.  Have you ever looked up how many words in the English language that represent Love compared to the words that represent Fear?  It is such an enormous difference no wonder why it seems so natural for us to live from fear. Fear is what can destroy us.  Fear is what destroys relationships.  Everyone is so insecure, they betray others to try to feel bigger and better about themselves, but the funny thing is….they don’t!

Have you ever been approached by someone who has been hurt and listened to their story?  Of course we have but have you ever thought to yourself what the ‘other’ side of this story might be?  You may even have some good proof or documentation that supports the hurt of the person but more times than not you are only getting half of the facts, half of the story but yet you are so quick to form a judgment.  A judgment that isn’t is your place to form.  It is all in our ego.  Our thoughts can distort the truth to validate or justify a person’s hurt or anger.  This is not what love does.  This is not what our higher power does.  And mostly this will not bring us to our true selves.   In order to follow your soul’s purpose we MUST see things through love and ONLY love.

Judgment defined is the evaluation of evidence to make a decision- opinions expressed as facts.  I believe the key word here is Opinions.  Opinions and emotions can distort the facts.

People often times say they don’t put judgment on others but yet they do.  There is judgment everywhere.  So much so that many of us are insecure or afraid to be who we are.  We constantly live our lives trying to be something we aren’t.  We live from a place of fear which in return causes heartache, suffering, shame and guilt.  This causes us to do things, act on things or even react to things in a way that doesn’t allow ourselves to be true to who we are.  Mainly because we have lost who we are along the way.  It opens up a constant struggle on our values and our beliefs.  People will find multiple justifications for their behaviors.  If someone they feel has wronged them in any way they are quick to respond back with retaliation.  They want to wrong the other person to make them feel better about what they have done.  This causes a vicious cycle of emotional behaviors that aren’t based on all the facts or based on distorted facts.  Do you ever wonder what a situation could look like if people stopped playing the victim and started owning up to their part in the situation?  We are NOT victims in fact we are main character in our own stories and we all play the main role.

I encourage you the next time someone comes to you with a concern, hurt or frustration to yes listen to what they have to say but also take into consideration that there is ALWAYS more to the story and that it is NOT in your place to put judgment on any situation. Imagine what would be like to receive what you are sending.  Then, take it to the next step.  Decide ahead of time what you would like to recieve…and send it. Karma simply put, our deeds, thoughts and words return to us sooner or later and they do so with astounding accuracy.

Embracing Your Relationship

We all know how hard relationships can be especially in today’s society.  It seems we are all so quick to give up or so quick to move on if things don’t go the way we want.  Maybe our expectations are too high, maybe we get a little selfish, or are we the type of person who always has to be right.  The fact is relationships are hard, plain and simple.  They take work.  It takes truly learning the other person.  It involves compromise, compassion, mutual respect and empathy.  I am still learning what all it takes to build a healthy relationship but I have also learned a thing or two along the way.  I find that when you do meet the person that captures your heart then and there you have a choice to decide if this person is worth ‘the fight’ to have a blissful relationship.  I use the term ‘the fight’ loosely in meaning that there is NO person that will meet all of your needs and wants.  It isn’t realistic or attainable. That is when you find out there are more things you are compatible with than not.  Something I have learned is that to really focus on the positive qualities your partner brings to the relationship rather than the negative.  If you are constantly focusing on the negative that is precisely what you will get.  If you focus on the positive your relationship becomes that of peace and joy.  You can truly find happiness among any difficulty you may face.  Remember that just because you think one way doesn’t mean that your partner is wrong for their thinking.  One way is not better than the other and if you keep this in mind you begin to look at the other persons thoughts with love and not resentments. Embrace your differences.  These differences can enhance your relationship and introduce new ways of thinking a long with new discoveries and that can be exciting.  When dealing with two different view points and ways of thinking it may take you out of your comfort zone but stepping out of your comfort zone to reach out to the one you love can be very rewarding.  You may not have to understand your loved ones needs but if you love that person than you need to love the things that make that person who they are.  I am certainly no expert when it comes to relationships but I do feel through some of my experiences I have some valid points.  The one thing I really want to point out is in this big world there are really only a handful of people that truly love and care for you so if you are lucky enough to find someone who loves you with all of their heart and to all of their ability— Ride the roller coaster with them, Learn with them, Grow with them, and LOVE them.  Love them selflessly, Love them with all you have and don’t let go.

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